I Do... Now, wait, is it too late to change my mind??

The Wedding Day 5k
by Frank Durso, Run The Day Race Management

As a professional race timer, I can honestly say that I have seen it all when it comes to running. I have seen the fads come and go and some are here to stay for the foreseeable future: Zombie Runs, Tough Mudders, Ugly Mudders, Spartan Races, Trojan Races, Ugly Trojan Races, Color Runs, Pickle Runs (shameless plug), etc etc so forth and so on. Whew. As a runner myself, I get tired of thinking of all of the ways I can try to disguise and rename what is nothing more than the simple act of trying to get from point A to point, without a vehicle, with the company of a couple of thousand of your closest friends, who are all trying to get there faster than you are.

New for 2013: The Wedding Run. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl date. Boy and girl get engaged. Boy and girl plan a big wedding. Boy and girl also happen to be runners and decide that it would be a real hoot to have a "Wedding 5k." I cant think of a better idea than asking your bridal party, close friends and relatives to lace up the 'ole running shoes and trot a couple of miles in celebration of the pending nuptials. It's all fun in games until Uncle Morty keels over from a massive coronary at mile 1. The last time Uncle Morty ran was for the last bread roll at the Trump Plaza buffet when he went to AC with your Aunt Linda back in the '87. While the unfortunate tale of the late Uncle Morty might be a *bit* of an exaggeration, it's a great intro for the topic of today's blog: How Do I make my Wedding Day 5k a Great Success!?

Let's start with the basics. For any race to be successful, there has to be runners. Sounds simple right? So, ask yourself the simple question: "How many family and friends do I know who would be interested in participating?"

Second question: Where? It's easier for me to tell you where NOT to have a race as it is for me to tell you where TO have the race. DON'T have the race on any open roads. God forbid your cousin Louie - who drove three hours from Coxsacky New York - gets nailed by a distracted texting 16 year old girl driving Dad's '91 Buick LeSabre.

No one wants that . especially your parents, who inevitably will harange you with "I told you this whole 5k thing was a bad idea. You and this jogging. All the time with the running. Tell her Sol. I told your fathah that this jogging idea was trouble. And now this. Your poor cousin Louie. He was just about to marry that nice Russian girl he met over the intranet or whatever it is you kids are using these days. With the FaceSpace and the MyBook... When are you two going to start trying for a baby?" **

Pick a place, like a park, that has a walking/ running path that's closed to traffic. State Park permits might run a couple of bucks, but if it avoids a funeral or a trip to the ER, consider it a small price to pay. Locally, here in Delaware County, Ridley Creek State Park is a fantastic venue to host a small 5k. In addition to a beautiful race course, there are several pavilions that are available to rent - it's perfect for the post race BBQ. Just be aware that no matter where you decide to host the event, the odds are good that you'll need some help. Even the simplest courses should have some folks out on the course stationed at the tricky spots, making sure that the runners are heading in the right direction, and depending on the weather, throwing a small "self-serve" water station at the halfway point may not be a bad idea. Recruit some of your non-running relatives to help provide some race day support. Since they aren't runners, and probably won't run in the race, they'll be happy to be able to take part in the event and enjoy the festivities.

How serious are we trying to make this cute little event? Are we going the "no-frills" route aka timing the race with a stop watch and a clipboard, or going with a professional timer? There are pro's and con's to both options. "No-Frills" certainly keeps the costs to a minimum. But a professional timer brings the "big-race" atmosphere to the event. It's a unique opportunity for the non-runners to get a sense of what happens at a race, and it will "wow" the experienced runners. Think about some non-traditional timing formats, like a "prediction" style event. In a prediction, the runners guess their anticipated finishing time before the event, and the runners who finish the closest to their predicted times receive awards. Prediction events give everyone - regardless of ability- the opportunity to win a prize. And it's a great way to encourage the non runners to participate by giving them the option of running or walking at their own pace.

And remember, this event should FUN. Try to throw some "wedding day" themed activities into the event. Encourage all your runners to run in the most outlandish wedding attire they can find. For the ladies, this means old prom dresses, or maybe even an old bridesmaid gown left over from another wedding, that's been sitting in the closet collecting dust. For the fellas, a trip to a thrift shop for a second hand suit maybe in order. Encourage silliness. Tell the guys to find a suit that's reeking of 70's or 80's charm. What better way to congratulate the first male and female runners than a slice of "wedding cake" in the face as they cross the finish line. Have the first place male remove the garter from the first female. Better yet - have the first place female remove the garter from the first place male! For our "Pickle Run" Race Series, we go to thrift stores and yard sales and buy the most ridiculous, cheesy "prizes" we can find and award those to the winners. After the race, have a little "Wedding Day Roast" for the Bride and Groom. Encourage everyone to stand and tell some embarrassing stories or toast/ roast the couple, friend and family members.

So the bottom line is that themed should be FUN and there are a assortment of ways that everyone can participate is the wackiness. Cheers!

What's the Fox Say?

Friends

I seem to have a wild life problem in my back yard. We have always had some troublesome coons running around back there - fat bastards to boot. I got chased by one of the little SOB's a couple of months ago. There's a blog post about that buried somewhere in this blog.

We had to get one of those enclosures for the trash cans because the clever sons of bitches kept getting into the trash.

At any rate, we have had skunks, owls, deer, groundhogs, cats (which we tend to keep), all kinds of wild birds, mice, moles, etc. There was even a bigfoot sighting a couple of years ago. No joke. I am like the Dr. Doolittle of Delaware County

We got a new one: foxes. I saw a shitload of fox tracks in the snow in my backyard this morning.

The little bastard was running all over the place. At one point, he must have ventured out to the front of the house.

Hey Fox: you tell all your furry friends that there is a new Sheriff in Brookhaven, my cousin Cletus (twice removed)  aka the "Redneck Special Forces" all the way  from South Carolina. and he and his mullet- they shoot on first sight

"Gonna get me some coons"

I am your Daddy

Friends

I have a man love food crush on Fig Newtons. Sometimes, at night, when I am lying in bed with my kitty cat, I can hear them whispering to me. They are my Achilles Tendon.

Fig Newton: "Frank, I am a delicious baked snack made with processed 'fruit' filling. Come down and enjoy me with a tall glass of wholesome milk. DO IT NOW BITCH."

How many people do you know can honestly admit to the fact that a baked good calls them awful words in the middle of the night? Yes, I am a slave to the blessed goodness that is The Fig Newton.

And f*ck those Fat Free Fig Newtons. Go big or go home with the real shits.

Fat Boy On A Diet

Friends

I got this stupid Trade Show every year in March. It's actually a really nice trade show, as far as Trade Shows go. I have been to about eight of them over the past five years. Trade Shows can either go exceptionally well, or horribly wrong. It depends on the crowd, the agenda, and the location, just as examples. 

None of that is really important to the context of this post. What is important is that twice a year, I need to haul myself to some far-away city and try and squeeze my fat ass into my fancy work clothes for four days. You see, I don't wear fancy work clothes to work everyday. I wear whatever the hell I want. 

Years ago, when I lost all of my weight - close to 60 lbs back in 2001/20012 - I made a vow to myself that I would never go back to buying "fat clothes." Once I could fit into size 33/34 pants, I donated all of my "fat clothes" to Good Will. And I swore to myself that I would never look back. 

If you have never had the experience of trying to fit into clothes that clearly do not fit you, it's extremely uncomfortably and downright demoralizing. Trying to suck in your stomach to button your pants really drives home the reality that you NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. Bear in mind that I am wearing these clothes for eight hours at clip. 

About three years ago, I went to one of the shows and had to squeeze into some pants that clearly didnt fit me. Luckily, my room wasn't too far from the Exhibit Hall, and there's alot of down time between sessions, so I could sneak off to my room and change clothes. I was like the Lady Gaga of Trade Shows. I'd come back to my room, get changed into my "street" clothes and then get back into my work clothes for the next session. A pain in the ass, yes, but worth the effort relative to walking around with pants up your ass.

I had to break my vow once in the past five years. I broke down two years ago and went out and bought two pairs of pants the night before the show. That was probably as demoralizing if not more demoralizing then trying to fit into too-tight pants. I was actually "in between" sizes so the logical thing to do was to fill in the gap as best as I could, so I immediately came home after that shopping trip and ate 6 donuts. Like my old man used to say - GO BIG OR GO HOME.

So getting to the point, I am about 3 months away from the next one. I guess who ain't gonna be fitting into his fancy pants any time in the near future?  In my defense, the very next show, six months later, I was able to get into those motherf*ckin' pants because my fat ass lost 25 lbs going into that show, roughly this same time of year. So this is a good time of year for me. 

Christ, I have such a hard time with diets. Not so much the dieting part, but getting started. Once I get into the groove, I am a man on fire. I am like a fat kid at buffet. There's no stopping me. 

I gotta lose 25lbs. I am at 188. Whoa. 

Wired

Friends,

I have decided to get a jump on one of my New Year's Resolutions and I am proud to say that I am now caffeine free. Less filling, great taste, same Frank. I am going to get that trademarked and tattooed on my ass.

Aww yeah you know that this is the netxt one I'm gettin'

But, in all seriousness, I don't have any vices. I am not a smoker. I don't do any drugs (contrary to popular belief), and I am not a big drinker. I have, however, been know to enjoy some tequila on occasion. With mixed results. 

This is the "before" Frank- the sweet, lovable fella that you all know and love...

... And this is the "after" Frank. After about 5 shots of Patron:

¿Has visto mis pantalones?*

But the bottom line is that I have been a slave to caffeine for many years. We're talking close to a pot if not more a day at the peak of my addiction. It's the point that getting up early in the am to go to the gym is an absolutely slug fest between me and my alarm clock. And as I was laying in bed a few nights ago, these words popped into my head. and I softly whispered them into the stillness of air in my bedroom  Their message was a sledge hammer that brought me to the realization that things need to change. 

"I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to make a change. An no message could have been any clearer. If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change. Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na, Na Nah" **

Do I feel better? Yes. Specifically, getting up the last couple of days has been much easier, however, I have yet to test myself by getting up at 4:30 am. That will be the true test. 

* Translation: "Has anyone seen my pants?

** And for the record, I did say "Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Nah" out loud. Because I am not ashamed. I am not ashamed of Mike. 

2014

Friends

A new year is upon us, and I sit here pondering what the new year brings, I also need to figure out a goal. And for purposes of context, I am referring to a goal as in a race, event, etc.

I am torn. My interests lie deep, and there lies the challenge. I am a runner, but at my heart, I am a dirty, filthy, hairy-legged, half-man/ half beast mud eating mountain biker. As such, there is a yearning in my heart to get back into the mountain bike racing game. As always, the challenge that I have is scheduling. Race timing sucks up most of my weekends.

If you had to pin me down today and force me to admit which path I would choose, I would choose mountain biking. And that's purely from the viewpoint of logic. Follow me on this...

It's nearly the first of the year, so let's call it January for all practical purposes. A typical marathon training plan is 16 weeks and that's assuming that one has a good base of running going into the training - a base that I do not have. Taking two months off from running really puts a hurting on one's fitness. I took a crap yesterday and broke into a sweat. That's how bad things have gotten. Or maybe it was the chinese food I had the night before.

Does this really need a caption?

So doing the math, a good base for me would take about a month to build up. So that puts me into February. Add four months to that and the earliest I could be taking swing at a spring marathon would be the end of May - maybe mid May if I really hustled.

The point is that I am light-years away from cobbling together any sort of meaningful attempt at a Spring endurance run. Most marathons occur between March and May. Would have been in better shape had I not taken the last two months off? No doubt. But I needed that time off. As a matter of fact I tried to get on a treadmill yesterday and I managed a half mile before I jumped off. I couldnt do it. The minute I stepped on the damn thing, I felt sick. I am spoiled. I did way to many miles outside this year to the extent that a treadmill is like a horror story.

Long term, I still want to bang out an ultra or two this year. I think I am going to make an effort to run the 20in24 solo this year as a Lone Ranger, and I would love to do the Labor Pains 50k again.

20in24

I have been remiss in not posting a 20in24 race report. Since I will be sittings on a plane for the next six hours, here goes.

The experience was great except for the driving rain that started around 10 pm and last straight through to around 6 am. I of course had to run the midnight shift during a torrential downpour. I was soaked straight through before I even left the start line.

Other than that, it was a friggen blast. Seriously. I would do it again in a heart beat.

The highlights:
* We had a good team. Everyone stuck around between laps
* The environment was awesome. There was a great vibe happening in the tent city
* Well stocked rest stations, lots of food.
* I got about 5 free tech shirts
* The weather up until the point where it started to rain. It was a beautiful day, a bit warm, and windy as the rain started to pickup

The bad shit:
* The rain. I dont mind the rain - to a point. When it's driving in sheets, and you're out on the course for an hour and a half, it gets old. Quick
* Sleeping in my truck from 1:30 am to 6:30 am. My tent was leaking. Everyone's tent was leaking. Thank god I have an SUV
* My running was horrible

First lap, I felt like shit. My hip hurt. My back hurt. I had to walk a few spots
Second lap, I can remember. the back pain was gone though.
Third lap. WET. And my stomach was KILLING me. Not sure where that came from.
Fourth lap. SLOW. And my stomach was still bothering me.

The fourth lap was painful. I was tired. My feet hurt. My hip hurt. But the weather had cleared up and it was a very nice morning and there were tons of people out on Kelly Drive. I saw alot of familiar faces out there - Linda and Lauren, the crew from the Fishtown Beer Runners manning their "Beer Stop Aid Station."

I havent run since. That was about two weeks ago. I needed a break. Then I got sick. So, I am hoping to jump back into it this  week. I am on my way out to Vegas and the weather is going to be beautiful, so I'll try to squeeze in a few runs between hangovers.

And since I am going to Vegas, I will not be able to run The Blues Cruise 50k this Sunday. And to be honest, I am not heart broken. The weather is predicted to be on the high side, and I havent done jack shit in two weeks. I think this race would be 8 hours in the pain cave for me.

I am on an airplane, about 30,000 ft off the ground. US Airways wants to bend me over for Wifi access. I wonder if the stewardess is going to pass out vaseline before they jam it up my keister.

I dont know what's worse: The PA system on airplanes or the PA system on the older Septa Trains. The pilot just made some sort of announcement I couldnt hear a word of it. For all I know, he could have just told me that were trying course and flying to Fiji and I would be none the worse for wiser.